Thank you for sharing this. Such a beautiful piece!
My entire life, my whole identity was my hair. People complimented my hair more than they ever complimented me as a person, so I thought the only thing that made me valuable was my hair.
I remember when I was just beginning my natural hair journey when I was 14, and I wasn't too skilled at manipulating my 4c curls. My aunt used to tell me, "What are you going to do with your hair?" There were always variations of that phrase from different family members, but I was dismantling my internalized anti-blackness so I was proud of my hair. It wasn't until I got better at twist-outs did compliments begin to trickle in.
And then I loc'd my hair at 22. I got a lot of statements like "But your hair was so long and pretty!" and I still get comments from my mother asking me when I would comb them out and how long my hair would be if I did. I used to feel insecure about my roots in between retwists because our community is somewhat obsessed with hair looking sleek and slick and shiny. I used to think I looked unkempt, but this is how my hair is and how it naturally grows.
I no longer value compliments about my hair, especially when they only come after a fresh retwist. There is nothing inherently wrong with compliments, but I had a tendency to compile a majority of my self-worth to my hair. I think having locs helped me not focus so much on what my hair looks like since I usually just wake up and go.
It's wonderful that you fully blossomed upon the big chop. We are so much more than our hair!
It’s a wild shared experience. There’s so much unlearning and reworking to do to feel comfortable and confident in our hair and it’s a great challenge with so many harmful perspectives thrown in our face. I could write a whole essay on the length fixation in our community alone, it’s so firmly established. It makes me happy to hear that you were able to get to a place of acceptance with your texture and letting it do what it wants naturally because it’s something we all deserve to have. Ain’t nothing wrong with the way our hair grows out of our heads and being able to truly believe it is a feeling like no other. I’ve had the same issues with compliments before, only viewing them as a confirmation of my beauty, but nothing’s more important than how I feel. Valuing only my thoughts have made things a whole lot easier and I’m sure that has had a similar positive impact in your life. I’m glad that this piece resonated with you. Thanks for reading and also for sharing your experience. I’m really proud of us!
I loved reading this and I’m so glad that you’ve found peace, love, and a sense of being home in yourself through this step you’ve taken. That’s so exciting.
Manipulation is also something I’ve struggled with for a long time and I’m still unlearning my biases towards letting my hair exist as it is and accepting that it’s enough. Reading this was extremely inspiring and encouraging :)
Thank you for your support as always! 🫂 I truly never thought I’d get here and while this action changed everything for me, the catalyst for this change in thinking and living looks like different things for everyone. It’s hard for the biases to completely vanish but in time, hopefully they won’t be as loud. I’m wishing you the very best in your hair journey. We all deserve to live in a headspace filled with ease and confidence. It’s coming!
Thank you for sharing this. Such a beautiful piece!
My entire life, my whole identity was my hair. People complimented my hair more than they ever complimented me as a person, so I thought the only thing that made me valuable was my hair.
I remember when I was just beginning my natural hair journey when I was 14, and I wasn't too skilled at manipulating my 4c curls. My aunt used to tell me, "What are you going to do with your hair?" There were always variations of that phrase from different family members, but I was dismantling my internalized anti-blackness so I was proud of my hair. It wasn't until I got better at twist-outs did compliments begin to trickle in.
And then I loc'd my hair at 22. I got a lot of statements like "But your hair was so long and pretty!" and I still get comments from my mother asking me when I would comb them out and how long my hair would be if I did. I used to feel insecure about my roots in between retwists because our community is somewhat obsessed with hair looking sleek and slick and shiny. I used to think I looked unkempt, but this is how my hair is and how it naturally grows.
I no longer value compliments about my hair, especially when they only come after a fresh retwist. There is nothing inherently wrong with compliments, but I had a tendency to compile a majority of my self-worth to my hair. I think having locs helped me not focus so much on what my hair looks like since I usually just wake up and go.
It's wonderful that you fully blossomed upon the big chop. We are so much more than our hair!
Again, thank you for sharing.
It’s a wild shared experience. There’s so much unlearning and reworking to do to feel comfortable and confident in our hair and it’s a great challenge with so many harmful perspectives thrown in our face. I could write a whole essay on the length fixation in our community alone, it’s so firmly established. It makes me happy to hear that you were able to get to a place of acceptance with your texture and letting it do what it wants naturally because it’s something we all deserve to have. Ain’t nothing wrong with the way our hair grows out of our heads and being able to truly believe it is a feeling like no other. I’ve had the same issues with compliments before, only viewing them as a confirmation of my beauty, but nothing’s more important than how I feel. Valuing only my thoughts have made things a whole lot easier and I’m sure that has had a similar positive impact in your life. I’m glad that this piece resonated with you. Thanks for reading and also for sharing your experience. I’m really proud of us!
I loved reading this and I’m so glad that you’ve found peace, love, and a sense of being home in yourself through this step you’ve taken. That’s so exciting.
Manipulation is also something I’ve struggled with for a long time and I’m still unlearning my biases towards letting my hair exist as it is and accepting that it’s enough. Reading this was extremely inspiring and encouraging :)
Thank you for your support as always! 🫂 I truly never thought I’d get here and while this action changed everything for me, the catalyst for this change in thinking and living looks like different things for everyone. It’s hard for the biases to completely vanish but in time, hopefully they won’t be as loud. I’m wishing you the very best in your hair journey. We all deserve to live in a headspace filled with ease and confidence. It’s coming!