In With The New.

Issue 020: Toni is Typing's 1 year anniversary and new year musings

Still of A’Ziah ‘Zola’ King from the official visual for “Stay Flo” by Solange

New Year's blues. Every year, I fall for it; my naivety lives on. The expectation that after the ball drops and we clink our glasses and say cheers, I'll suddenly snap into a better state of being, a manifestation of all of my hard work from the year we've just departed. It isn't exactly so.

I had a wholesome New Year's Eve, where I got to appreciate stillness and be around people I love. A tradition of theirs is to make a powerpoint presentation that covers how their year went and their goals for the next. Although my palms felt a little tingly from my nerves, as if I were transported back to secondary school, I was able to lean into the activity and give my all to experience real fun and immense gratitude.

New Year's bliss. It doesn't make an appearance every year, but when it does, it's rejuvenating. I suppose this is the feeling I want to erupt within me on the first day of the year. The soothing magic I was engulfed in as I discussed the journey ahead this year may have been the New Year's bliss I yearned for, delivered a wee bit earlier than expected. I cherish that sensation, the rosiness of my cheeks, the sound of my laughter, and the satisfaction of cheering myself on amongst others without bashfulness overtaking me.

While getting through the first days of the new year was hard-fought, the days are now unraveling into something I don't quite know how to describe. I expected such, coming out of 2024:

2024 was gnarly (derogatory and complimentary). Of course, a year so memorable would be the one where I turned 23, an age I've been warned about for its growing pains. While those actually chewed me up, savoring and racking up my struggles with each and every bite, I was violently spat out as Antonia, still. It was hard to be in love with life then, and even at this moment, that remains a hurdle. I can't say that I'm more equipped to fight this as it is a terribly complicated affair, but I do love myself enough to make the executive decision that I'll hold my hand through the experience of figuring it out. Still Antonia, I began accommodating my imperfections and honing the ability to see myself as neutral, not some all-high and mighty woman, and not the worst person alive; starting my days is a lot more bearable knowing that how I get to the end won't be met with judgment.

The good times were truly euphoric, and the bad, well, not even exaggerating, were hellish and emotionally scarring. That year proved to me that I have strength, regardless of how I would periodically fall apart. I'm here, ain't I?

2025 is, yet again, a blank slate for us all. I didn't have this super explosive epiphany as I imagined, but I trust that all I have gained will appear in time when it's most needed. By the end of my powerpoint presentation, I declared 2025 my year. I've definitely said that in regard to previous years; a few of them actually leaned toward that expression, but this time, it feels different.

Last January, on the third Thursday of the month, I published my first issue of Toni is Typing. I really love that piece to this day, and it's an archived signifier of my breakthrough after being creatively stagnant for a while. I spent months on it, editing and rereading it to the point that I could recite it; I can feel the tenseness like it was yesterday as I skim it in the present, recognizing how studious I wanted to sound through my vocab and how I exercised the art of persuasion. I did my thing. Sure, I'm biased, but no one can check me. That will forever be a trophy I earned, my badge of honor.

I found my voice as I continued my writing journey on this platform. I found my style. I found community—I'm still a little scary and tend to hesitate to comment and interact, but I'm improving. I've created a safe space to arrive, release, and go as I please. The comfort I've given myself to openly shed consistently and see the best in every version of me to become what's best for me as I mature has come from this passion I decided to take a chance on.

Thank you so much to anyone who has read my work, liked, commented, shared, and, of course, all of the people who've subscribed. This newsletter has surpassed 500 subs! S/o to all of you lovely beings. I haven't celebrated any subscriber milestones on here, to be modest, but to hell with it; seeing support in these numbers means so much to me! Henceforth, I'll accept this love and positivity and won't be mousy about my wins. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here and for believing in me. Writing words that resonate with others is a gift I'll continue to treasure and nurture.

Now, what's new with Toni is Typing this year? I'm letting loose, and I'm listening to myself more. No more routine; while posts usually drop on Thursdays at the same time, I'll now publish throughout the week. To be 100% transparent, sometimes they will be frequent, and other times, there will be dry spells, but do know that something is brewing regardless. I'm going to try out single movie and music reviews, more collaborations, more rants and rawness, and platform issues that need more eyes. Expect the unexpected.

Happy birthday Toni is Typing! We're just getting started.