I never thought this day would come, but it's time for Toni, the fangirl and pop culture wizard, to retire. As someone who has spent their adolescence and early adulthood stanning various celebrities, I've had my fun and possibly too much of it. Supporting celebrities is common and can remain incorrupt. Like most things we indulge in, it has the power to get out of hand quickly; unfortunately, that end of the spectrum is normalized as well. Obsession is a frequent and alarming issue that creeps up on you, and this hobby is consuming your life before you know it. Intensive stanning can skew morals and affect real-world relationships and outlooks on life. As someone who has been in Twitter wars over celebs and spent an unreasonable amount of time promoting these people for free, let me be the one to tell you when you're in too deep. What starts as harmless fun can evolve into a toxic and overpowering force, which should and can be avoided once clarity sets in.
Celebrities have undeniable power in our society, and the human interest in public figures traces back hundreds of years. Their way of life and opinions, whether used for gossip or inspiration, have become valued by the masses. They tell us what we should be into, what to consume, what to think, and how to spend our time. The idea of the luxury they live in being attained one day makes their insight so praised and admired, as well as the illusion of being in their bubble when most are nowhere near. The celebrity image is carefully constructed, and we truly only see what they want us to see. It's rare to see a celebrity being their authentic selves since we only know them by the brand that they have created. Most people give celebrities that they favor the benefit of the doubt when assessing their character. Yet, even when the figure shows who they really are, and it's not pleasant, it's excused because of their status.
Because of celebrity status, it can be hard to remember that they are human, just like everyday people. While they have a bigger platform, riches, and more opportunities, they are still a mortal soul made of organs, flesh, and bones. Considering their influence, it's jarring how it isn't used for good more often. I believe (well, I hope) we're all aware that when celebs try and stand for something, it may be pandering, an intentional ploy to preserve a clean image. It's popular to state that all celebrities are morally corrupt and that we shouldn't expect anything from them and accept that their behavior reflects them being out of touch. While true, this take can be used to exclude criticism; just because we know that distasteful acts may occur doesn't mean that they shouldn't be addressed or condemned. Also, why is it so controversial to ask celebrities to have good ethics and expect that from them?
In my experience, I've found myself grasping at straws to defend former problematic faves, and in hindsight, that reflected poorly on me. What kind of grip did they have on me to make me act so out of character? When did their morals begin to blend with mine, and why did I think they were worthy of defending even through blatant carelessness? We do not know these people. A special kind of humiliation sets in once you realize how involved you may be in the lives of people who don't serve you; it's a reality check, definitely staggering but necessary. I know it sounds cliché, but there's a heap of more important things to put our time and energy into.
Currently, everyone is having a hard time. Our livelihoods are becoming increasingly unaffordable, and I'll hear about collective struggle more often than triumph. A primary focus has been trying to figure out how to survive in America while maintaining sanity, which is a loaded quest, and that's where the need for distraction comes in. When all you have time for is work, it's challenging to maintain personal relationships; however, celebrities are just a click away. While celebrities are realistically far out of reach, access to them online has never been more abundant. The void from unfulfilled interpersonal relations can be remedied by connecting with the more active and seemingly genial figures on social media platforms. That also opens the door to communities of others who have formed parasocial relationships with celebs, and engaging in these spaces can be comforting. Although it seems more low maintenance, those efforts can only do so much and become more taxing as dedication grows. Getting caught up in the whirlwind of celebrities is a tempting escape, but there's always a comedown. You're still left with the actuality of your differing lifestyles. It's not exactly a great feeling. The comparison, frustration, and bitterness towards someone you don't know but willingly made a part of your routine.
A mixture of constantly being swarmed with futile stan beef from crazed fanbases, woefully craving unattainable ways of living, and also viewing frighteningly lukewarm celebrity responses to issues that I have strong feelings about has left me drained and ready to let go. It's been a lot easier than I thought it'd be. Since I had a long-time attachment to this culture and certain celebrities, I was under the impression that it would take more out of me to finally step away. Oddly enough, I woke up one day and did not care about it anymore. The last couple of months have been really eye-opening. As I reevaluated what's beneficial to my personal growth, I realized how detrimental stanning has been to maintaining well-fortified morals and a sense of self.
When I've tried ditching stan culture in the past, it never worked as well as it currently is because I'm in a completely different headspace. I understand how a celebrity's work could make disengaging tricky all too well because I've been there. Feeling connected to a celebrity's art can establish an attachment since art is notably influential. Art can be by your side during your happiest moments and through adversity; those memories stay with you. A song that got you through heartbreak, a film or TV show that brings you back to a simpler time, or a book whose words spoke to you in a way no one ever has are all sources that lay the foundations for an intense bond between you and the creator.
In the same way that a link between myself and a celebrity was made through their work, their actions determine whether or not that can become tarnished, and that feeling is just as powerful. At my big age, I simply can't believe in separating the art from the artist. Once a celebrity has shown their true colors or been exposed for saying/doing something that doesn't align with my core beliefs, my interest in them and their work fizzles out. Revisiting their work after receiving off-putting intel brings me discomfort, and I'm unable to enjoy it as I previously did. Trying to do so anyway and ignoring my feelings does nothing for me; why overlook the elephant in the room if it causes such an adverse visceral reaction? Continuing this behavior would solely benefit the celebrities. I'd keep enriching their lives, knowing they're undeserving, while neglecting myself and what I stand for. I fear that says a lot more about me than them.
Awareness has put me at ease, and it's refreshing that I no longer live in the fantasy world of strangers. I'm struggling to see how giving excessive attention to someone who doesn't know that I exist and wouldn't even spit on me if I was on fire was worth it. I find it funny that my parents attempted to detach me from celebrity obsession ages ago to no avail because I saw it all through rose-colored glasses. I'll give them their 10s for that! The firm "I don't care about that" in their voice that would play in my head now sounds so similar to mine when asked about the idea of celebrity, and that's the complete 180 that I needed. Not caring is freeing, and I feel more in tune with myself and what's happening around me rather than focusing on people and situations that leave me out of touch with reality. I want to avoid being informed about what's new with celebrities, and I set that boundary with myself. Additionally, I will let that be known and keep within my limits with the people I converse with.
Putting any human on a pedestal isn't healthy. 2024, for me at least, feels like a year for transformative realizations, and I implore those still deep in stan culture to rethink why it's such an essential value in their lives. Go touch some grass, feel the sunshine on your face, build community, and find yourself. It's okay to be inspired or entertained, but don't let that be the driving force in not being the best version of yourself because of blind idolatry.